I grew up attending church every Sunday. My dad played the drums and my mom was a praise dancer, so we couldn’t miss a service. But my husband didn’t grow up this way. When we got married, though, we both agreed that this kind of foundation is what we both wanted for our children.
But, as our family grew, my husband’s work schedule changed, and the pandemic happened, going to church on Sundays became the least of our priorities. We actually became those people who only made it to church on Easter Sunday or on New Years Eve, and I couldn’t believe it.
That was humbling, to say the least, because as “regular church-goers” we’d always judge people who would only come to church twice a year, and suddenly, I was one of them. Now I have compassion for people like that because I realize not attending church religiously each Sunday doesn’t mean you love God any less.
The greatest benefit of attending church regularly is the community you gain from being surrounded by like-minded people who love God! And that’s what I missed more than anything. Because attending church shouldn’t simply be something you check off of your to-do list each week. I now know it means so much more than that.
For the last 4 years, I’ve been getting back to my spiritual roots, watching sermons online, which just isn’t the same. So now that my husband no longer works on the weekends, and our children are much, much older (no more two-under-two), now is the time for us to find a new church to call home.
A place where we can all grow as a family spiritually, meet people who look like us, and find community amongst others in the same season as us — in life and marriage.
What to Look For In A Church
If you’re in the process of finding a church home for your family, there’s no judgement here because we are too!
I’ve approached finding a new church home a lot like I would if I were finding a new family home with a wishlist of some important must-haves that I’ll share with you below.
#1 Good Bible-Based Teaching
The Bible warns us about false prophets and in this day and age, it’s really easy to simply become a motivational speaker in a pulpit. For us, it is important to be led by a pastor who can preach the Word of God, and help his congregation apply it to real life. And I just don’t mean feel-good messages about hope and endurance, but messages that will help us live a Christ-centered life.
I’m also very tired of churches that are more focused on raising money than preaching salvation. Don’t get me wrong, giving is very important. It is an act of worship, but it is not the only form of worship.
The Bible says that God loves a cheerful giver.
“Everyone should give whatever they have decided in their heart. They shouldn’t give with hesitation or because of pressure. God loves a cheerful giver.” — 2 Corinthians 9:7 CEB
Jesus also said in John 4:23, “The Father looks for those who will worship him in spirit and in truth.”
So if the pastor at the church you’re visiting is more concerned about fundraising than preaching salvation, then that is a huge red flag.
#2 Good Music Ministry
If the kitchen is the heart of every home, the music ministry is the heart of every church. Without it, it’s hard to convince people to stick around for the word.
Now I’m not saying you should attend church to get a free concert. But the praise and worship segment of the service helps to prepare your heart and mind to receive God’s word.
I tell my husband all the time, it’s a lot like foreplay — allowing for us to get intimate with God!
So while the music ministry doesn’t have to be perfect, for me it is very important. As a singer myself, I can easily detect when the sound is off, which only becomes a huge distraction during worship.
I used to be a part of a worship team at my former church, leading and singing songs unto God. So finding a church with good worship that I can see myself becoming a part of is essential.
#3 Good Kids Ministry
We’ve got five kids between the ages of 15 years and 19 months old, and it’s no joke trying to focus on the Word of God while dealing with a fussy toddler. Making sure the future church we join has an active kids ministry is non-negotiable!!
I don’t want my kids to just be babysat during service. I want them to learn about the love of God and Jesus Christ, our Lord.
So if you’ve got young kids like we do, you’ll appreciate being able to securely check them into a classroom each week, knowing that they’re growing spiritually, and making new friends just as you are!
#4 Diversity
Most of my life, I’ve attended predominantly Black non-domination churches. This time around, I’ve been open to joining a church with a little more diversity.
Not all white. Not all black. But somewhere in the middle.
Now this may, or may not, mean that much to you, however, I want my kids to see that Jesus is for everyone — no matter where you came from, or the color of your skin.
#5 Community Feeling
A church where everyone doesn’t know your business or you feel like you have to fight tooth-and-nail to fit in? Yeah, that sounds like heaven to me.
Click-y churches do exist, and I am so over that.
With us being a young Black family of multiple kids, I’m longing to find a church with a growing community that makes us feel welcome right away.
Where the staff is friendly. The members greet you with a smile. We’re not judged by our past, or sized-up by our current circumstance — we can just come, and be as we are, as Jesus intended.
#6 Good Location
You may not think this is an important factor, but on Sundays when you’ve got kids to feed and get dressed, and you’re trying to make it to church on time so you can find a decent parking spot and a good seat, the church’s proximity to your home can make all the difference.
Typically, a commute within 30 minutes is ideal. Any longer than that and you better make sure you wake up early enough to give yourself plenty of time to make it!
5 Steps To Finding A Good Church Home
Now that you know what we’re looking for in a church home, here are some tips to help with your search.
Step 1: Involve Your Whole Family
I didn’t wake up early on a random Sunday morning and simply decided today was the day we were going to church. First, I had a conversation with my husband telling him that I think it’s time we find a church home.
The truth is, I felt a pull from the Holy Spirit, and I’m grateful that he was open and willing to start this journey together.
The next thing we did was tell our kids. We wanted them to know how important it is to have a church where we can go to learn and worship God, so we could move on to Step 2.
Step 2: Make A List
A simple search on Google or Instagram is all you need to gather a list of prospective churches to visit. You can narrow your search by denomination, such as Pentecostal, Baptist, Catholic or non-denomination Christian churches, which are independent and aren’t affiliated with a specific, established denomination.
Step 3: Plan Your Visit
Once you’ve got a list of about five churches to visit, the next step is to choose a day to go to church. Some churches have multiple services so it’s important that you do your research and plan ahead so you’ll know what time you’ll need to wake up and get out the door.
And if the church has classes for kids, you’ll save time if you pre-register online. But if not, most churches will be able to assist you with this once you arrive.
Step 4: Gather Feedback
At the end of service, when everyone is in the car and you’re heading home, get their feedback! Ask each person how they felt and what they think about their experience.
Questions to ask your kids:
- Did you have fun at the kids church?
- What did you learn today?
- Did you make any friends?
- Would you like to come back?
Questions to ask each other:
- What did you think about the word today?
- How was praise and worship for you?
- What vibe did you get overall?
- Do you want to come back?
Gathering this information and considering everyone’s opinion is important for deciding whether or not a church is a good fit.
Step 5: Make A Decision
You don’t have to join the first church you visit. Even though some people do, it’s perfectly fine to take your time.
If any church staff or member is pressuring you to join, that may be a red flag. Sometimes it takes several visits before you make it official!
Regardless, when choosing a good church home for your family, it’s best to use discernment, consider everyone’s individual experience, and let the Holy Spirit guide you.
Let The Search Begin!
Going back to church is a new feeling for all of us. My husband and I agreed that we wanted to slowly ease our way back into regularly going to church so we don’t overwhelm ourselves — especially since we just got our weekends back now that our boys’ football seasons are over.
I had this whole list of churches to visit, but we’ve only made it to one so far because our children loved it so much that they don’t want us to visit any others. 😅
I cannot explain it, but from our first visit, we just felt at home. Who knows? It just might be the one!
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